I went to art school. And even though I studied photography, it was the kind of school, that after asking for all the money in the world, encouraged a gal to try her hand at everything. One of the best things I did was take a performance class. I brought in a stack of all the cheap dishes I could get at the Sal’s, handed out safety goggles to everyone present and placed a pair over my own eyes as well. We dimmed the lights, turned on Waiting Room by Fugazi as loud as possible, and one by one, I tossed each porcelain opportunity into the air gently with enough time to get the tossing hand back onto the shaft of the Louisville Slugger, and I swung the bat into plate after plate after plate. Once such a thing is discovered, it is difficult to not want to do it each and every day for the rest of time. The old bat was left studded with shards of white ceramic, a weapon and a relic of rage. I loved that thing.
I think about that a lot. I especially recall it when I feel overwhelmed with life, underwhelmed with life, tapped out, over tapped and furious. I think of it when ferocious electric sparks zip along my veins and I feel like even my teeth will burst into flame. I think about that kind of release. I picture one of my heroes, Muhammad Ali, and I picture Willy Mays and I think about that movie Road House with Patrick Swayze. Dang, I miss Patrick Swayze.
But often, I can’t seem to think of an outlet for this kind of thing and instead, I swallow. I will swallow anything from pride to rage to donuts and pizza. Of course, none of these options do much to really address the actual feelings. And in a world where people are never encouraged to express anger, most especially people who are not holding cultural power, swallowing anything that burns firmer than moonshine eventually blisters and scars.
There are two worlds of FUCK IT in this life. The first one, turns outward, and the other, blisters, burns, and scars. There is the EMPOWERED FUCK IT, in which the beholder is like:
“Fuck It. I am walking out of this shitty job that is killing my soul and I may not have a plan, but I can find a way.”
“Fuck It. I’ve always wanted to ask that guy out. The worst that can happen is that he’ll say no and we won’t date and we’re ALREADY not dating, and I’m living through that anyhow. But if I ask, then I’ll know.”
“Fuck it. I’m going to Paris.”
Then there is the FUCK IT, I’ll burn it all down brand of choice. That’s the one where we stumble over asking the guy at the coffee shop out and we decide FUCK IT, I’M NEVER GOING TO THAT COFFEE SHOP AGAIN. In fact, I am swearing off coffee and guys.
Or FUCK IT, I’m already in pain, I’m just going to stay where it’s awful because it might get more awful if I move at all.
Or FUCK IT, I already got a parking ticket, got in a fight with my daughter and missed the deadline for taxes, I’m going to the bar to drink bourbon and watch Days of Our Lives and wait until the day ends. Nothing matters.”
Now, instead of telling everyone all of my clever plans and tips for recovering from a bad moment or a bad day through turning around the Fine Art of Fuck It, I turned the Louisville Slugger studded with thrift shop shards over to readers for advice. I give you these fantastic artists of getting your groove back who answered the call here:
1. “Although it took me a long time to incorporate it into my life, I learned that I have to get my body moving to reverse a shitty day. If I have a bad enough day I generally lack the motivation to exercise even if I know it will make me feel better, so this year I paired exercise with something that is immediately rewarding: I bought a spin bike (used, great condition from Craigslist) so I can exercise at home while watching the X-Files. I’ve made a deal with myself that I can only watch the show while I’m biking, and I made it a goal to watch the entire series this year. I love a good challenge, so if the endorphins aren’t enough of a motivating factor, getting through all 202 episodes in 1 year certainly is for me.” -BC
2. “I try to get my body moving doing something constructive like pruning the trees gardening or shoveling snow, the more strenuous the task the better. Mowing the lawn is also a cure all.” -GR
3. “Walk in sun followed by sunbath on hammock, with music…preferably Stevie Wonder.” -EW
4. “Someone said to me once, “If you are feeling depressed, clean your oven. Later on you will feel better and your oven will be clean.” Also, I find that my recovery time is less if I’m not at war with myself… i.e. not resisting how I feel, or judging it, but accepting it and letting it move through me. Also EFT tapping, which makes room for shit to move through. Lastly, yelling something completely silly that makes me laugh.” -NF
5. “I personally screamed out loud at the top of lungs this week in my car by myself, then went and worked out and later let the tears fall. I have laryngitis now but I feel emotionally better. Also, I try to cross off the “hydration, food, sleep, give yourself a break” checklist, and move from a pattern of self criticism that I’m in the vortex to checking it out and realizing it’s ok to hang out in there for a while and be present in the shit. And then…remembering all the people that love me in my life energetically standing around me, allowing that support and love to gently sink in.” -SLP
6. “Sex, Masturbation, yoga, marijuana, ee cummings, Walt Whitman, Emily Dickinson., Edna St. Vincent Millay, a long walk in nature. No order intended by that list.” -JL
7.”DO anything productive… My rules to avoid sliding into the dark place I have been and know too well:
2. Make your bed.
3. Eat porridge.
4. Do yourself beautiful – be it a bath, a chore, a chat, a dress.
5. On the direst of days, avoid Facebook til first 4 are completed.” -SH
Me? I try these things: Be in service to others and get out of my own problems for a second. Make someone a present. Go out into the world and look around. Then Listen. The birds just knock me out with gratitude. Cook. Read a good book. Call a friend. Turn my phone off. Run. Walk. Stretch. Look at Gus’s face. Keep looking. Turn on YoYo Ma and lie in the dark with headphones and let that wash right over me. Take a super hot shower. Wasabi.
But I think soon I’m going to head to some batting cages.
Thank you to everyone who answered my call. There were tons of wonderful suggestions and you can read the whole post on my FB business page if you like. It’s from April 13th.